


The Fall

by miikasaa



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-07
Updated: 2014-05-07
Packaged: 2018-01-23 20:41:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1578881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miikasaa/pseuds/miikasaa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikasa only had one thing on her mind as she joined the rest of the trainees in Trost: find Eren and make sure he survived. But her objective changed when she ran into Jean in the middle of the battlefield.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Fall

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to michelle, kingkiyoshi.tumblr.com.  
> Hope you enjoy!

It felt like only moments ago that the Colossal Titan appeared and broke through the gate, but as Mikasa soared from the rear guard to find Eren, she saw just how terrible the situation was.

Trost was in chaos.

She landed on a roof, idly noticing that her gas was beginning to run out. A quick scan of the area showed no titans, but broken houses, bodies littered on the ground and rooftops, and rubble everywhere. Mikasa quickly scanned the nearby rooftops to try and find her brother, but there was no sign of him.

Several cries of her name followed her arrival, as if her comrades were relieved simply by her presence, but she ignored them, walking across the building when her eyes landed on a familiar mop of blond hair.

“Armin?”  
He stared at her with hollow eyes, eventually opening his mouth to speak just as a cry rang out from a nearby rooftop.

“Two titans approaching from the left! One 15-meter class and a 7-meter class!” Mikasa swung her head around, immediately spotting the monsters. The soldier who had alerted them looked as if he had graduated not two years ago, the Garrison emblem sewn proudly on his jacket, his expression clearly saying he never expected to go up against the titans.

A body suddenly ran right past her, yelling, “I got them! Start moving back towards headquarters, I’ll meet you there!”

She recognized the voice immediately.

“Jean!” Could he handle both of them on his own? He’d graduated in the top ten, sure, but as far as Mikasa knew he had yet to slay a beast.

“Mikasa-”

“I’m going after him.” The soldier from earlier, whom Mikasa now assumed led one of the squads still on the buildings, nodded at her, as if he were going to suggest the idea. “He was right, though, get to headquarters.”

“Mikasa, wait! Eren-”

She cut him off with a sharp look. “You can tell me when we’re safe at headquarters.”

Without another word, she jumped from the roof, clutching her blades as she followed the path Jean had taken a moment ago.

Swinging hard to the right, Mikasa paused on the edge of a roof, “Jean?” The 15-meter class was gone, and the remaining titan had finally noticed her, but there was no sign of the boy. Eyeing the beast with her usual apathy, she decided she could find Jean after taking it down.

Mikasa quickly aimed her hooks for the building next to the titan, pushing herself from the roof and using her momentum to swing behind the beast and cleanly slice away the flesh of its neck.

“Jean?” She called again after landing on the ground, the titan slowly evaporating behind her. There was no way he could have gotten that far ahead of her, but maybe he was already heading to HQ?

No. Jean might have been a lot of things, but if he said he would take down the two titans, he would take them down.

But he had abandoned the 7-meter class…

“Mika… sa?”

Whirling, the young girl ducked her head around the nearest building and spotted something lying about halfway through the alleyway. She took off at a sprint. “Jean!”

“Mikasa-”

She landed at his side, hands hovering uselessly over his body. “Come on, we need to go. Everyone else is probably at headquarters already and-”

“Mikasa-”

“-Is your gear broken? What happened with that other titan? Why-”

“Mikasa!”

Jean took one of her hands, pulling it to his chest and letting it rest just below his heart. “Mikasa… I can’t go to headquarters with you.”

Blinking slowly, Mikasa looked down to where her hand was placed on his body, the warm liquid and the boy’s ragged breathing painted a vivid picture of his situation. Immediately, the young girl pressed both her hands fully against the wound, looking for something- anything- to stop the bleeding.

“Jean, you’re going to be okay. We just have to get you to the headquarters, right? There we can get gas and new blades and some proper bandages-”

To her horror the boy beneath her chuckled. The action cut off suddenly when he gasped for breath.

“What could possibly be funny about this, Jean?”

His breathing was already becoming shallow. “Tomorrow I was going to the inner city.”

——-

“Mikasa? What are you doing out here?”

She considered leaving the question unanswered, standing up from where she sat at the back door of the boy’s barracks and going back to her own bed, but something in Jean’s voice had her staying.

Mikasa looked up, blinking slowly at Jean’s figure, still standing in the doorway. His hair was a mess and he was rubbing at his eyes, while a yawn threatened to escape his lips.

“I couldn’t sleep.” A curious part of her hoped the explanation wouldn’t be enough.

The door was swung shut and suddenly Jean was sitting beside her, at the opposite end of the stairs. “I can understand not being able to sleep, but why are you sitting outside of the boy’s barracks?”

She shrugged. “I feel like I’m closer to Eren this way.”

“The shit can sleep through the night.”

Mikasa smiled faintly, shaking her head. “I know that.” It still made her feel better, especially after her nightmares. “How did you know I was out here?”

“My bed is by the window. I woke up and saw you and decided to see if you were okay.” He paused for a moment. “Are you okay?”

That caught her off guard. Training had only begun a few weeks ago, and the only people who asked about her wellbeing were Eren, Armin, and her small blonde roommate. After she blew him off when leaving the mess hall, Mikasa wasn’t sure why Jean would want to talk to her.

“I’m okay.” It was a routine answer.

His eyes narrowed slightly, “Are you sure?”

“Yes.” He must have recognized the defensive look creeping into her eyes because he raised his hands in a mock surrender.

“Okay, okay, I just wanted to make sure.”

An awkward silence fell over them. Jean picked at his loose pants as Mikasa glared at the wood of the stairs. Why didn’t she just leave?

“I had a nightmare.”

Jean looked back to her then, his eyebrows raised in confusion. Mikasa was just as confused- she never told anyone except for Eren and Armin when she dreamt about the night she lost her parents.

“Do you… do you want to talk about it?”

She shook her head. Jean nodded, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. If Mikasa were telling the truth, she did want some sort of comfort after the dream she just experienced, but she knew she could get it in the morning from Armin.

So she stood up. The boy across from her did as well. Their silence stretched on, and Mikasa turned to walk back to her dorm, already planning how to get past the soldiers on night duty.

“Ah, wait, Mikasa.” She paused on the bottom step, looking back over one shoulder at him. “If you ever need to talk about those nightmares, I’m always willing to listen.”

She nodded and walked away.

—-

After their encounter on the steps, Mikasa began to seek out other opportunities to spend time with Jean, most of which ended up with them sparring together.

Before, she had tried to avoid training with him to work instead with Eren or Armin, but now she was willing to work with him almost every day. She didn’t hold back with him like she would with any other partner, except for Reiner, Bertholdt, or Annie, and he never complained when he didn’t win a fight.

They didn’t talk much, but sometimes he held her hand a little longer than necessary when she helped him up, or rolled them over when she tried to get up after pinning him again, smirking at her annoyed expression.

Some days, when he told her he was still sore from the previous day’s beating, she would help correct his form instead. Those were the days when they talked a little more, about where they came from, the pairings around them, or whatever else came to mind.

When the bell rang for lunch a few weeks later, Mikasa extended a hand to help her partner up, and Jean accepted, shaking his head with a smile. “Damn,” he murmured, rolling his shoulder back.

“Did I hurt you?” She asked, gently probing her finger against the muscle.

He shook his head again. “No more than usual. Come on, let’s get some food before Sasha steals it all.”

Mikasa barely noticed that Eren stayed late on the training grounds with Annie.

For the first time since they started sparring regularly together, Jean sat next to her at her usual table. He normally sat a few seats away, or at his table with Marco and a few others, but not today.

“What are you doing?” Mikasa asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

He shrugged, grinning back at her. “I can’t be close to you if I’m on the other side of the room.” She smiled despite herself.

A few moments later, Armin took his regular seat across from her, but then Marco sat at Armin’s side, and Reiner, Bertholdt and a few others followed shortly after.

Mikasa was never one for sitting with a lot of people at meals; she was usually contempt with Eren and Armin, and one or two others, but she found herself enjoying the loud bustle of a full table.

Jean and Marco were laughing at a joke Reiner was telling, the large blonde slapping his taller friend on the back and nearly causing him to spill his drink. Even Armin got involved, correcting the facts as Jean recounted stories from their previous days of training.

Mikasa focused on her food to keep herself detached from the conversations around her, but Armin’s knowing smile told her she wasn’t doing a very good job hiding her delight.

She dropped her arm from where it rested next to her tray and placed it on top of Jean’s on the bench, where it was helping prop him up as he leaned around her to yell something at Reiner.

He froze at the contact, earning a questioning look from the blonde, but Jean didn’t respond as he sat back down. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, raising an eyebrow to silently interrogate her.

Instead of answering, Mikasa intertwined her fingers with his, holding back a smug grin at the blush that quickly spread across his features.

“Ooh, Kirschtein’s in love.”

“Shut up, Reiner,” Marco chided.

Reiner only laughed loudly, pointing his fork at Marco. “Is it you, is that why you’re so defensive of him?”

Mikasa elbowed him in the side, earning a laugh from everyone at the table, and a yelp from Reiner, but he dropped the subject anyway.

The sudden sounds of two trays being placed on the table caught her attention, and Mikasa leaned around Jean to see Eren and Annie finally join the table, her brother sat on Jean’s other side while Annie took the remaining seat next to Marco.

Eren pointed his fork at Jean, the tip dangerously close to the other boy’s nose. “What’s he doing here? I thought you hated him, Mikasa.”

“Fuck off, Jaeger.”

“Mikasa, you might not want to sit too close to Kirschtein, he might give you a horse disease,” Eren taunted, taking a bite of his lunch.

“You fucking-” Mikasa tightened her fingers around his, trying to silently plead with him to drop the fight before it could begin. She would just end up breaking it up and leaving with Eren, and she didn’t want to let go of his hand just yet.

Jean seemed to understand because he sat back down and squeezed her hand in return.

Eren just looked confused, but didn’t question sudden change of events, and instead asked Armin about their lessons from that day.

“Thank you,” Mikasa whispered, taking another bite of her lunch.

Jean rubbed his thumb over her knuckles in response.

—-

“You seem to be spending a lot of time around Jean lately.” Armin peeked over the top of his books at her from where he sat against a tree across from Mikasa. They were studying their lessons from that day, preparing for the exam they’d been warned of.

Mikasa flipped a page in her book, trying to keep her face as impassive as possible. “Have I?”

Armin nodded, a knowing smile pulling at his features. “You look happier when you do.”

She sighed, blowing at a few strands of hair that dangled in front of her eyes. “Has anyone else noticed?”

“I’m sure Marco knows, considering how close he and Jean are,” Armin shrugged, “maybe Christa and Reiner.” Turning a page in his notebook, he said, “I see you two outside the boy’s barracks sometimes.”

Mikasa looked up, her dark eyes wide with concern. He could immediately tell what she was worried about; if Armin had seen them, did that mean other trainees or their superiors had as well? There was a curfew for a reason, and if Mikasa and Jean were discovered up past then, and on the steps of the wrong barracks, it could be a disaster.

Armin shook his head, offering a reassuring smile. “I see you guys from the window if I wake up. And Jean isn’t exactly the stealthiest person in the world.”

Mikasa smiled faintly, dropping her eyes back to her books. The two of them studied in silence for a while, breaking it occasionally to clarify a note or ask a question.

After a few more minutes, Armin looked up from his book to study his friend. He’d noticed her tendency to spar with Jean more often, and had seen the two of them walking together during their free time. He had even heard Mikasa laugh once or twice during her nighttime visits with the boy.

He was good for her. Armin wondered if she could see that.

“Mikasa?”

“Hm?”

“What exactly are you doing with Jean? Where is it going?”

She bit her lower lip, staring at a point in the tree above Armin’s head. “I don’t know.” She admitted after a moment. “I like spending time with him, but he’s planning on joining the Military Police. We might never see each other again after graduation next year.”

Armin spoke again, “I can’t really find a fault with what you’re doing. Jean may be an ass to Eren, but he’s so much better with you.”

Mikasa sighed, dragging her gaze to Armin’s. “If this thing with Jean does get serious… what am I supposed to tell Eren?”

“He’ll understand.”

“But-”

He cut her off, “Eren hates Jean, that much is true, but he wants you to be happy. And if Jean is the one making you happy, then Eren doesn’t have room to complain.”

Mikasa nodded, “I guess you’re right.”

“What am I right about?” Armin held back a laugh as Jean sat down next to Mikasa, nearly sitting on her arm at the proximity. He dropped an apple into her lap, disrupting her papers in the process. He opened the notebook that had been tucked under his arm upon his arrival as Mikasa quickly straightened her papers.

She sent him a glare, “Not you, idiot.”

Jean took a bite of his apple instead of responding, smirking at her as she rolled her eyes. Armin cleared his throat and grinned when Jean seemed to finally notice him. The taller boy tipped his head back in greeting, “What’re you guys doing out here?”

“Studying for the exam,” Armin answered, lifting his own books while Mikasa flipped through the pages in Jean’s to find their most recent notes.

“These are horrible.” She announced, tossing the notebook to the ground.

He shrugged, “I don’t really prepare for these sorts of things.”

“How are you going to graduate ahead of Eren if you don’t study?”

“With my stunning good looks and wit.”

“Now if only you had any.”

“Ouch.” Jean pressed his hand to his heart, bowing his head, and then pointed to Armin with the hand holding his apple, “Besides, Armin will help me out.”

Mikasa snatched the apple, dropping it into his own lap before readjusting herself to lean against Jean’s side, kicking her legs out in front of her. “You’re awfully confident.”

Jean snaked his arm around her shoulders to point to something in her notebook. “When did we learn that?” She didn’t answer but Armin could see the smirk that tugged at her lips. “C’mon, Mika.”

Armin knew then that Jean had earned himself a secure spot in Mikasa’s heart. It wasn’t an easy thing to do, (it had taken almost a month of living with the Jaeger’s before she considered Armin a friend), but once Mikasa accepted someone, she cared for them completely.

She hated nicknames, never even letting Eren create one for her. However, with Jean it seemed to be a different story. Armin saw how her lips tilted slightly at the affectionate name, even though she refused to answer his previous question.

Jean was still pestering Mikasa to explain her notes to him as Armin began to gather his books. They didn’t have a lot of free time as cadets, so he knew that any time she got to spend with Jean was precious. Besides, he would see her at dinner that night.

Armin stood, dusting the dirt from his trousers and beginning to walk back to the barracks when the call of his name stopped him. He turned just in time to catch the unbitten apple that Mikasa threw at him, a thankful smile on her lips.

He didn’t miss how Jean’s arm stayed wrapped around her shoulders long after he asked his first question.

—-

“Mikasa.”

The girl looked up from the pages of her book, ducking her head to see under the wood of the top bunk. When she saw who stood before her, she smiled.

“Marco.” She greeted, standing from where she sat. Spending time with Jean had resulted in being with Marco more, as well, and though they weren’t incredibly close, she considered him a friend.

Mikasa’s smile faltered when he didn’t reply. He was avoiding her gaze; clearly searching for the proper words to tell her what was on his mind.

“Marco.” She said again, “what is it?”

“Eren’s in the infirmary.” Again.

She sighed, tossing her book onto her bed. “Alright, let’s go.”

They walked in silence to the other side of the training grounds, to a building Mikasa had become very familiar with over the past two years. Not because of her own injuries, of course, but because of a very persistent brother of hers.

Marco held the door for her when they arrived, jerking his chin in the direction of Eren’s bed. She thanked him before walking to Eren’s bedside, taking his hand in both of hers.

Armin was on the other side of the bed, Reiner, Christa, and Annie standing behind him. Mikasa didn’t ask, but she had a feeling it was a fight with either Annie or Reiner, and that the others had been witnesses to what had landed him in this bed.

There was a bandage wrapped around Eren’s head, a large cut on his cheek, and his top lip was swollen. His breathing was normal, though, and for that Mikasa released the breath she’d unconsciously been holding.

“Mikasa-” She shook her head, and Reiner immediately stopped. The young girl didn’t have to be told what had happened. Eren had picked a fight, his temper assuring him he could win, only to be knocked down and hurt.

Looking up from Eren’s features, she only asked one thing; “Who?”

Reiner hooked a thumb over his shoulder, “Annie.” The blonde girl regarded Mikasa with a bored stare, but she could see the apology hidden deep within her blue eyes.

The hand she was holding clenched suddenly, and Mikasa looked back to the bed to see Eren’s eyes open for the first time since she’d gotten there.

“Hey,” she greeted him, pushing the hair away from his eyes.

The familiar sight of his bright green eyes brought a smile to the girl’s lips, and he squeezed her hand in response. “Hey.”

“I thought you were done picking fights. We graduate in less than a year, Eren. You can’t keep acting like a child.”

“They started it when…” His words trailed off at the look she gave him.

“Mikasa,” both she and Eren looked over at Armin, but didn’t say anything before he continued, “he’ll be okay. He’s just got a few minor bruises, but no concussion or anything. Eren will be back to normal before dinner.”

“That’s good to hear,” Mikasa answered, gripping her adoptive brother’s hand even tighter. Even though she was used to seeing him in this type of situation, it never got any easier.

Eren opened his mouth to say something and Mikasa immediately recognized the look in his eyes, the look he got when he was going to brush off her concerns and tell her he didn’t need anything from her.

Before he could begin, however, Mikasa spoke, “Eren.” He shut his mouth, eyebrows furrowing. “Feel better, okay?”

She leaned forward to press a kiss to his hair, giving his hand one more squeeze. “Mikasa-”

“I’ll see you at dinner.”

She let go of his hand, turning on her heel as she walked back to the entrance. She ignored the looks she knew Reiner and the others were giving her, the unspoken questions about her departure hanging in the air.

Marco was still waiting outside when she left the building, and even he looked surprised to see her. “You’re not waiting with him?”

Mikasa shrugged, a small smile on her lips. “Eren’s not a child, and Armin said he’s going to be fine. He doesn’t need me sitting at his bedside all day.”

He raised an eyebrow, but didn’t question her. Mikasa didn’t know what else to say, then, when he didn’t prompt her further.

She touched his shoulder gently in farewell, deciding she could train a little before dinner began, but her motives changed when she saw Jean standing a few buildings away.

There would be plenty of time to train after dinner, as well.

Mikasa walked over to him, calling his name as she approached. He startled at first, but grinned once he realized who it was.

He didn’t say anything, but held out his hand, which she took immediately. It was calloused and rough, but it was warm as Mikasa threaded her fingers through his.

“Hey.”

They had about an hour before the bell for dinner would ring, and it was one of the rare nights when neither of them had any obligations to fulfill before the meal, so she gently tugged on his hand, and the two of them began to walk through the training grounds, sharing stories from their days and passing time in easy companionship.

—-

“Kirschtein.”

“Jaeger.”

The glare Eren sent his way was impressive, but after nearly three years of shouting matches, Jean could hold his own in a staring contest against the other boy.

The boy’s barrack was empty save for the two cadets standing across from each other, both on guard

Jean sighed, breaking the tense silence. “What do you want?”

“I knew you were obsessed with Mikasa, but I never thought you’d spend that much time stalking her.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Eren scoffed, kicking his heel into the floorboard. “I see you staring at her during meals and following her after our lessons are over. It’s been almost three years now, can’t you get over this weird infatuation?”

Surprising even himself, Jean laughed. “You’ve got it wrong.” Before the other boy could respond, he continued, “I don’t know if Mikasa wanted to tell you because I don’t even know what this is, but I’m not stalking her. We’re… hanging out together.”

It didn’t seem like enough of an explanation, but it was true. They weren’t a couple, but they spent the majority of their free time together.

“Hanging out?” Eren repeated, narrowing his eyes.

“Yeah.”

Another silence enveloped the two of them, but this time Eren wasn’t glaring at Jean and instead it looked like he was searching for something to say.

“Jean.”

He looked up, nodding for the other boy to continue. “Don’t hurt her.” Before Jean could defend himself, yell maybe, and swear that he would never hurt Mikasa, Eren continued, “She’s been through a lot of shit, and deserves to be happy. If, for some fucked up reason, you make her happy then so be it. But I swear, I’ll kick your ass all the way to Wall Sina if you hurt her.”

“You should be more worried about her hurting me.” She held his heart in her hands, after all.

Eren glared at him again, “I mean it, Jean-”

“I’m not going to hurt Mikasa.” The finality in his tone stunned the shorter boy into silence. “I care about her too much.”

After a moment of scrutiny, Eren seemed to accept Jean’s declaration, and some of the tension left his shoulders. “Just… be careful.” They both knew how dangerous it was to develop feelings in this world- at any moment their loved ones could be ripped away.

“I will.”

At that moment, the door to the barracks creaked open, and a certain blonde boy’s head poked its way inside. “Eren come outside, Mikasa wants to name constellations.”

Eren nodded. “I’ll see you around, Kirschtein.”

“Jaeger.” Eren didn’t look back as he followed his friend from the building.

—-

“I don’t want you to join the Survey Corps.”

Mikasa sighed, turning her face into his chest as his arms tightened around her. It was late, far later than they’d stayed outside the barracks before, but it was their last night together before graduation. Neither of them wanted to leave.

Ranks had already been determined, but tomorrow marked their official graduation from the Trainee Corps, and in a few days they would choose which branch of the military they would join.

Jean was still planning on joining the Military Police. Mikasa was completely set on the Survey Corps.

They hadn’t spoken of their separation.

“Jean,” she sighed again, closing her eyes. After getting to know him for three years, being without him seemed impossible.

“Mika,” he insisted, nudging the top of her head with his chin. She leaned back slightly to look at him. “You could die out there. I know you’re strong, but no one is invincible. You’re first in the class, you can join the Military Police with no problems.”

“You could die in the inner city.” She countered, looking up at the sky and taking a deep breath before continuing, “There’s no telling when the Colossal Titan will appear again, or where it will strike. I won’t be safer just because I choose the Military Police.”

She lowered her gaze from the stars above, and was only mildly surprised to see he had already been looking at her.

“I just don’t want to lose you.”

“We both knew this was coming, Jean.” She murmured, resting her forehead against his shoulder. “From the beginning, you were aiming for the inner city, and I was joining the Survey Corps with Eren and Armin.”

He began to stroke her hair, feather light touches against her scalp that, in different circumstances, might have put her to sleep. “I know that. I guess I just didn’t want to accept that you were going to be gone.” His hand stilled on the top of her head, and Mikasa could feel him take a deep breath. “I’m going to miss you.”

Mikasa pulled back, gripping his other hand in hers. She’d known Jean for only three years, yet in that time he’d managed to get closer to her than she could have ever expected.

She had joined the Trainee Corps with only one goal in mind; keep Eren safe and join the Survey Corps with him, follow him and keep him alive to fulfill the promise she’d made to his mother. Once she met Jean, however, a few things changed. She cared for him, and the thought of Jean getting hurt tore at her heart, but that didn’t mean she could break her promise to Carla Jaeger.

She cared deeply for him, but she wasn’t going to change her plans for a boy she may never see again after a few days.

“Mikasa…”

Without thinking, the young girl pushed herself forward, pressing her lips to his. It was irrational and stupid, (they weren’t a couple after all), but in that moment, as Jean’s hand moved from the back of her head to her neck, holding her mouth securely against his, it was all she wanted to do.

She could be dead in a month. He could die from another attack at the hands of the Colossal Titan. Tonight was most likely their last night together, so why not kiss him?

Mikasa could feel him smile against her lips, and she couldn’t help but grin back. Her hands trailed up his chest before she clutched at his neck, and his free hand gently pulled her body closer to his as he deepened the kiss.

All too soon, they had to break apart for air, but they didn’t move away from each other. Jean kissed her temple before resting his forehead against hers.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for years.”

Mikasa chuckled, “Don’t get ahead of yourself, Kirschtein. I kissed you.”

He only smiled, leaning down to kiss her once more.

She settled herself against his chest again, the top of her head nesting just under his chin as they stared back at the sky. The moon was full, illuminating the training grounds slightly, and Mikasa swore she could see every star in the sky. It was almost enough for her to forget that in a few days she would be joining the branch of the military with the highest chance of death, or that she may never see Jean again.

Jean broke the silence after a few more minutes. “Mikasa.”

“Hm?”

“Whenever you’re leaving or returning to the walls, I’m going to come find you, okay? So that way we can see each other for a few minutes.”

For a moment, Mikasa couldn’t answer. If she agreed to that, then Jean would know the moment the Survey Corps returned whether or not she was alive. On the other hand, she would get to see him, and holding his hand for a little while after a mission sounded perfect.

“Okay,” She said. “And if I’m ever in the inner city, I’ll find you.”

He briefly tightened his arms around her, and she could practically picture the stupid little grin he had on his face.

“It’s getting late,” Mikasa murmured after another silence.

“I know.”

Once she realized that Jean wasn’t going to let go of her any time soon, the young girl sighed and ducked under his arms to stand up, immediately missing his warmth.

“Jean.” He followed her example and stood, taking her hand once he had.

He leaned down to press a kiss to her cheek, lingering for a few extra seconds. “Goodnight, Mikasa.”

A part of her wanted to bury her face in his chest again, to grip his hand and never let go, to join the Military Police and live a safe life with him, but the rational part of her brain quickly dismissed the idea. She’d given her heart to the Survey Corps long ago; she had to protect Eren.

Touching his cheek as he pulled away, Mikasa whispered, “Goodnight, Jean,” before kissing him one last time.

It was almost impossible to let go of his hand when she had to turn back to the girl’s barracks.

—-

After graduation the next day, Jean found her in the open field of the training grounds with the rest of the former trainees. He snuck up behind her, grabbing her waist to pull her into a hug, spinning in order to keep his arms around her even longer.

She grinned and slapped his shoulder, but accepted his kiss anyway, ignoring the ecstatic shouts of the other graduates around them.

Mikasa didn’t notice Armin desperately trying to hold her adoptive brother back, or the finger Jean raised to him behind her head.

——-

Mikasa could feel tears well up in her eyes when her search for something to stop the bleeding proved fruitless. As a last ditch resort, she shrugged out of her jacket, wadding it up and pressing it firmly against the boy’s chest.

“You’re still going to the inner city, dammit,” she all but growled. She let up on his chest when he gasped, curling in on himself.

“Mika, you need to leave.” He said once he’d regained his breath, “There are still titans around.”

She blinked. “You’re crazy if you think I’m leaving you here.”

“Do you want to die, too?”

That caught her off guard, her hands stilling where they had been trying to tie the sleeves of her jacket around his torso. He couldn’t be giving up. No, the Jean she knew was full of fighting spirit, was a boy who threw himself in the path of two titans to give his comrades a better chance of getting to safety. Someone strong, who’d forced himself into her heart and made a home there.

Someone who she thought she’d outlive.

“You’re not going to die,” she whispered, her voice breaking on the last word.

She couldn’t lose him, too.

Jean took her hand, slowly threading his fingers through hers before resting their hands above his heart. Mikasa choked back more tears when she felt how unstable the beat was.

“I was thinking,” he murmured, placing his other hand on top of hers. “Of joining the Survey Corps.”

Once again, she was rendered speechless. For three years he spoke of nothing but enlisting in the Military Police, of the cushy lifestyle he would enjoy far from the reach of the titans. He couldn’t have changed his mind just for her.

“Jean… why?”

“For you.” This time, Mikasa couldn’t hold back the onslaught of tears. It took her a full minute before she’d wiped enough away to see again, and when she opened her eyes, he was reaching out to touch her cheek.

She said, “You’re an idiot.”

A loud rumble from behind them made her jump, made Jean cry out in pain again as his hand dropped from her face to clutch his chest. The titan was close, there had to be several others nearby, and Mikasa had no idea how the rest of the troops were doing against the enemy.

They needed her strength, her ability to cut through several titans in a row, they needed her to come as a reinforcement- but she needed him.

Mikasa had no idea when it had happened, but, as she stared into the face of the boy who’d kept her company for the better part of three years, she realized she’d fallen in love with Jean Kirschtein. Maybe it was when he’d found her after her first nightmare during training, or the way he accepted her silences, or talked her ear off when she needed a distraction. The way he got her to smile and laugh, to share stories and wishes.

He had been so much more than the nervous fool who had complemented her on their first day of training, and after spending so much time with him, she knew she loved him.

She just had no idea he’d felt the same way. Although Jean had never said it, his desire to change his enlistment was all the proof she needed.

He wanted to join to be with her, to protect her, and even though she could take on more titans than anyone in their training squad and didn’t need protection, the sentiment wasn’t lost on her.

“Jean…”

He raised a hand to his mouth, coughing violently, and Mikasa was horrified when she saw blood splattered against his palm.

“Mikasa,” he croaked after a moment, “take my gas. I know you’re almost out, with mine you’ll be able to make it to headquarters.”

“Okay,” she said. “You’re coming too. I’ll carry you.”

He shook his head. “I’ll just slow you down, and at this rate with the bleeding, I’ll be dead before we get there. You have to go alone.”

She gripped his hand, wondering idly if she was hurting him as she clutched his fingers, or if it was a welcome distraction from the pain he felt somewhere else. “I don’t want to go alone.”

Jean gave her a sad smile, “And I don’t want you to get hurt out here. The only way you’re going to stay alive and help the rest of the troops is if you take my gas and go now. Take my blades, too,” he added as an afterthought.

“No!” She was screaming, now, tears spilling freely from her eyes. “I don’t want to lose you! Jean… Jean, we were supposed to see each other, stay alive for each other! You can’t leave me now!” Mikasa failed to hold back her tears, ducking her head to lie upon their clasped hands over his heart. “Please,” she whispered. Jean knew as well as Armin and Eren how terrible she was at expressing her emotions, and judging by the hand that was stroking her hair, he’d understood just how hard that outburst had been for her.

“Not you, too.”

“I’m so, so sorry, Mikasa.” He nudged her head back up. He waited until her eyes met his before continuing, “I wanted to be with you, too. It’s why I decided to join the Recon Corps, so I wouldn’t have to be without you. We both know how dangerous this world is. It was only a matter of time before one of us died.” He took a deep, shaky breath, “My only regret is that I didn’t get to spend more time with you.”

Mikasa made a face somewhere between disgust and joy, “When did you start to sound so rational?”

He touched her cheek again, heaving his shoulders in a shrug that quickly changed into a grimace when the motion reached his chest. She could feel more the blood flowing quickly again. She could also feel her heart breaking for what felt like the hundredth time.

At that moment, Mikasa knew there was no way to convince him to come with her. He was right, after all. Any movement now would only open his wound more, and he couldn’t make it to headquarters. She couldn’t carry him away from here, and she didn’t have anything to try and fix him up with.

Mikasa was losing another person she loved.

He wanted her to live, though, and that thought fueled her to grab the gas chambers on his hips and hastily fill her own.

It was like what Eren told her six years ago. If she didn’t fight, she had no chance of winning, and if she didn’t survive she couldn’t remember all of the moments she spent with Jean. She had to remember him.

Mikasa finished sheathing his extra blades in her own fastenings, setting her resolve. She’d get to headquarters, assess the situation, and work from there. She would survive, and she would remember the love she felt for Jean, the love that was different from anything she’d felt before.

“Jean,” she whispered, turning back to face him. His eyes were closed, and in a panic she scrambled for his hand again; it was cold, but he squeezed hers back, and she let out a shaky breath.

She stroked his cheek gently, leaning over his body to press her lips to his. He responded weakly, but she could feel him smile against her mouth. She rested her forehead against his, awkwardly meeting his gaze. Mikasa didn’t want to leave. He had become a sort of home for her over the last few years, and it felt like she was losing her family again.

Jean gripped her hand against his cheek, surprising Mikasa with the amount of strength he put into the gesture. “I love you, Mikasa.”

Bastard.

She choked back another sob, nodding against his forehead. “I love you, too. I love you, Jean, and I promise I’ll keep fighting.”

His eyes closed again, but there was a content smile on his lips, one that made Mikasa’s heart stutter. She missed him already.

“I’m coming back for you,” she declared, standing up and gripping the triggers to her 3D Maneuver Gear tightly. He wasn’t staying in the middle of an alleyway to decompose alone.

“Goodbye…. Mika…” Jean didn’t open his eyes again as Mikasa bade him farewell, leaping into the air, and allowing the wind to wipe her tears away, only for more to immediately replace those that were lost.

She crashed through the glass of the headquarters, touching her head and wondering if it had all been a dream. She had lost another loved one, the city was on the verge of collapse, and she had no idea where Eren or her superiors were. Maybe it was all a terrible dream…

A euphoric cry shocked her from her thoughts, and Mikasa looked up to find Armin, Marco, Annie, Bertholdt, Reiner and other troops gathered by the door, all extremely relieved to see her alive.

Armin offered a hand to help her up. He studied her face for a moment before saying, “I’m sorry.” Mikasa wiped angrily at her tears, but she knew those weren’t the only hints; Armin had always had a talent for reading her expressions.

True to his word, as they filled their gas tanks after killing the titans in the supply room, Armin told her what happened to Eren, and with the stress of losing Jean, she broke down. Mikasa ignored her comrades’ questions and sympathy, crying herself to near exhaustion as the others formulated a plan to evacuate.

Still, she kept her back straight and her expression neutral as they left the building to get to the wall.

And when Eren’s form appeared from the neck of an evaporating titan, Mikasa ran forward, clutching him in her arms and sobbing again; both for the revival of his life and the loss of Jean’s.

Two days later, what remained of the 104th Trainee Corps stood in front of Commander Erwin Smith as he spoke of the Recon Corps plan for the next expedition.

Most of the troops turned to leave once the Commander dismissed them, but Mikasa, standing next to Armin, the image of Jean’s burning body on the pyre fresh in her mind, kept her salute stiff as she officially enlisted herself into the Survey Corps.

Once they were given their orders, Mikasa turned to leave with the rest of the new troops, but she was shocked into stopping for a moment when she saw Marco standing near Bertholdt and Reiner.

He offered her a small smile, and she knew immediately what had changed his mind.

—-

“Your hair’s gotten longer, hasn’t it?” Eren commented after another meeting between Levi’s squad, Hanji’s, and the Commander.

She touched the ends of her hair idly, recalling that her last large cut had been nearly five years ago, at the start of training.

“Yeah, it has.” She answered.

Eren gently brushed it back from her shoulders. “Are you going to cut it again? I don’t want you to get hurt with the 3D Maneuver Gear.”

Mikasa only shrugged, “I’m sure Sasha has some extra ties to keep it back.”

“Wouldn’t it just be easier to keep it short?” He asked, raising an eyebrow as they joined the rest of Levi’s squad in the dining room.

“I suppose… but there’s someone I want to keep it long for.”

Eren took his usual spot next to her, his shoulders tensing once he realized the meaning behind her words. “Jean?” He whispered. After the day he died, Mikasa didn’t cry in front of any of them, but Eren knew her. He knew how much she cared for him and how hard it had been to lose him.

He’d held her through the nights when the memory of Jean became too much to handle, after all.

“Yes.” Mikasa clasped her hand around her brother’s, a sad smile playing on her features. “He did tell me how beautiful my long hair was.”

Eren squeezed her fingers gently. “He was right.”

\---


End file.
